It’s that time of year when everyone starts reflecting on the year just ending – like the nine best of 2015 which has been doing the rounds on Instagram. I was amused to see that my best of Instagram is basically pregnancy, baby and a tiny bit of craft and house stuff – which does just about sum up the last year for me! At the end of last year I wrote a post about my hopes for 2015 (resolutely not resolutions!). I have really enjoyed looking back at these and thinkng about the high and low points of the past year, so here are my reflections at the end of 2015.
Focus on what I enjoy – this was all about spending more time on what genuinely gives me joy rather than on time frittering activities. I think that within the circumstances – a bit of a tough early pregnancy, at the same time as moving house and keeping up to date with the day job – I managed this quite well. The house is really feeling like a home (I will share more about this at some point), I carried and gave birth to our beautiful daughter and even had time to make a few things! We had a lovely last holiday just the two of us in Cornwall, and I had some serious time to focus on the things I enjoy with a month of maternity leave before the birth. Saying that though, I do feel that this blog has been very neglected, which I am sad about as it is definitely something I enjoy doing. Something to work on in 2016 I think?
Being more thankful – I have really taken this to heart this last year. Partly because I think feeling quite poorly for a while makes everything brighter and lovelier and the little things more satisfactory when you feel better.
The wider world has seemed like an incredibly dark place recently. Especially whilst pregnant and after having Felicity I identify* when hearing about pregnant women or those with tiny babies getting into unsafe boats, walking across Europe or living in the appalling conditions at Calais. Since birth Felicity hasn’t slept for much more than a couple of hours on her own without being held by someone; and she’s now almost two and a half months. This is – I’m not going to sugar coat it – tough. When she’s sleeping peacefully on my chest at 3am and I’m too scared about her rolling off and getting suffocated to sleep myself although I am exhausted, I have still thought how incredibly lucky I am that she is happily sleeping in a warm house, with a ridiculous amount of clothes, toys and ‘stuff’ and is, above all, safe. It isn’t fair of course that by luck of country of birth my baby is safe when so many others aren’t, but I can be thankful and count our many many blessings.
Live more lightly – this was all about living more ethically, and I have mixed feelings about whether it’s happened. I’m now happier with our food choices – we’ve cut down on the amount of meat we eat and when we do it has been ethically raised. The rest of my purchasing has been more mixed – it was all going so well until I was more at home with Felicity and then I succumbed to the ease of Amazon for Christmas shopping. On the other hand almost all our baby stuff is secondhand and I’m still more of an eBay fiend than an Amazon fan. Something to keep working on I think.
I really valued having these hopes to focus on this year, so I’m already thinking about what I’m about 2016. There will be a post on this soon.
*Though saying I identify is not to make out that motherhood somehow makes me more able to empathise. This annoyed me before I had a baby so don’t want to repeat the mistake!
Home, make, be 
I get more anxious about local news now because I’m scared of what sort of country we’re leaving our children; before, it was a more general frustration.
For what it’s worth, Matilda wanted to be held whenever she slept when she was tiny. She grew out of it at some point (it was before five months but I’m not sure of the exact timing) and I sometimes miss it; she will very occasionally fall asleep in my arms these days and, when she does, I drop everything to enjoy the snuggles. I sympathise, though – I remember the fear and exhaustion of holding a baby in the middle of the night! We found putting rolled up towels along either edge of her crib so the mattress cocooned her more helped her to sleep on her own at night; with naps, we had to just wait it out. Good luck!
It’s actually really good to hear that it’s not unheard of and that they grow out of it! My health visitor implied it was unheard of which seemed unlikely to me. Poor little thing has reflux as well so she’s often just uncomfy if not being held up right. Fingers crossed for more sleep soon!
Thank you for your footnote- I can get frustrated by women who say that only those who’ve had babies can understand/feel x or y. Fair enough, I won’t understand much about raising a child but I’m pretty certain my childfree state doesn’t mean I lack empathy or love generally.
I actually went on much more of a rant about this in my first draft of this post! It bugs me, it’s so reductive.
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